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Photonis Nano

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Re: Photonis Nano

Post by trusttecna on Sun Mar 05, 2017 10:43 am

Here are some edits to your Spells section.

"Piercing light: Photonis shoots a bright white ray from her hands to shatter any magical shield or barrier it comes across. It completely negates any effects the shield would normally do on all other spells such as reflection/deflection effects"

This spell needs to be tamped down. If she can break down any shield, then she could break down a shield casted by the whole magical dimension's power combined. Perhaps saying it has an extremely high chance to break down most powerful shields?


"The caster who's barrier or shield has been shattered this way is inhibited from casting the same spell again for a minute."

This extra ability seems to be more under the jurisdiction of a Jinx being. I don't believe this twang would fit with her powers, since the user does not get hit with the beam, only the shield. And if the shield is dissipated, then it is gone and the next shield is completely unaffected since it does not exist.

"completely self thought"


Please change this to "self taught."

launches a red laser towards a target dealing laser damage

How much damage is this laser worth? A lot? A little?


a damage over time after burn effect for 20 seconds


Is this a strong burn or a light one?

applying a chilled effect for 20 seconds slowing their movement speed and projectile speed. (Blue effect)

This effect is not under the possibilities of magic laser, as thermal energy and light are pretty much the only magic properties of a magic laser.
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Re: Photonis Nano

Post by trusttecna on Sun Mar 05, 2017 1:37 pm

I see that the blue effect is in bounds, so I retract that edit.  

Please state the mildness perk in your spell section.

As for Piercing Light, I don't see how it would be productive for her to go in deep after using such a powerful spell. She'd be very physically drained, perhaps that she'd need a break or only able to use low level spells. Also, I don't see where it says that it doesn't have the energy to break such powerful shields, as the spell says "all" shields can be broken by the spell. This could be interpreted by users as OP who don't know this second dimmer of your spell. And though you added that weak attack part, I still think there should be a chance it doesn't fully work. This spell could most likely only be achieved by an Enchantix or Believix fairy.

I've relinquished my shield edit, as that is in bounds.
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Re: Photonis Nano

Post by zerowing21 on Sun Mar 05, 2017 3:47 pm

Chromatic aberration, how long does this effect last for and by how much harder. If hit, does the effect go away?
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Re: Photonis Nano

Post by trusttecna on Sun Mar 05, 2017 4:53 pm

Can you add her height in feet, too?

Please change Physique to physique.

Please take the part about her not being good at reacting quickly to situations out of the strengths section and keep it in the weakness section.

I do not really understand what you meant by, "Whenever she thinks of a plan she will get in severe trouble if not everything goes according to plan." Please explain what "severe trouble" means.

"Pride: If Photonis is opposed or her ideas are dismissed she will react very adversely, aggressive and uncooperative." Perhaps explain how she acts toward a villain opposing her in comparison to a friend opposing her? Is there a difference in how she acts or is it the same.

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Re: Photonis Nano

Post by trusttecna on Sun Mar 05, 2017 7:14 pm

Ahh, now I see the severe trouble part. Good thinking! Please add a short explanation of how severe trouble is caused (pretty much what you just said to me but in your app.)

Please state in your app that she will react the same to both friend and foe who oppose her.
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Re: Photonis Nano

Post by zerowing21 on Tue Mar 07, 2017 11:51 am

Aside from the exchange rate idea not being completed (which I assume will be), personality, spells, the rest of the history and the rest pan out to me. *stamps approved in red ink on forehead*
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Re: Photonis Nano

Post by zerowing21 on Mon Mar 13, 2017 2:40 pm

reminder, one approval still needed.
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Re: Photonis Nano

Post by trusttecna on Tue Mar 21, 2017 11:39 am

Hyfnae wrote:The lust for wealth that had destroyed the planet
I don't fully understand what you mean by a "lust" for wealth. Unless you mean a strong desire for something, please change it to a little bit of a better suited word. If there is a different hidden meaning to this (as in something not PG 13,) please PM me with it.

Can you please clarify the horrible accident? I know Photonis may not remember the specifics, but I feel like those bad accidents are better clarified, especially for any history books in Magix. Imagine if people taught you in school that the Triangle Shirt Waist Factory tragedy was a horrible accident and that's all.

Hyfnae wrote: Photonis’ mothers is the youngest daughters of the current high seat of the Lumnis family. One of the seven prime families (This means they are highly influential and rich) in Teravhín. To be with Photonis’ father (Josh), Photonis’ mother (Allidra Aryalon Fera Lumnis) had to denounce all three of her last names.

I'm really confused on this one. Photonis has more than one mom? I thought she only had one. Also, I thought the country was struggling. Also, If these people were rich, they would probably get killed in the blink of an eye. Revolution seems very easy to happen in Sportica, where there are rich people in a poverty filled place.



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Re: Photonis Nano

Post by trusttecna on Tue Mar 21, 2017 6:06 pm

Also, do you mean when you said
Hyfnae wrote:Photonis’ mothers is the youngest daughters of the current high seat of the Lumnis family
Photonis' mother? Also, do you mean youngest daughter (singular?)

I'll look at section 3 and get back to you soon about the revolution.

The horrible accident where the mom died.
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Re: Photonis Nano

Post by trusttecna on Thu Mar 23, 2017 1:30 am

How did Photonis know about Alfea?


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Re: Photonis Nano

Post by trusttecna on Fri Mar 24, 2017 11:56 pm

Hyfnae wrote:Water in The Scraplands on the other hand is toxic, even if it wasn’t polluted by the iridium.

How toxic is it? Death cap mushroom-type toxic (slow death) or hemlock-type toxic (fast?) Why is it toxic? Have people polluted it? Is it filled with some sort of poison? Have people from Teravhin put waste in the water and that's why its toxic? Or is this just because of the Industrial Revolution in Magix pollution arc's doing?

Did the great transforming disaster affect any magic human-beings?

Can you talk about how to get a magic permit in this app?

Why would electricity be helpful to terraforming? I know a few ways it would harm the planet (something Spaikans' definitely don't need XD.) In my opinion, I think it would be a cool idea to made electric classes made into nothing but things to power machines or made into outcasts.
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Re: Photonis Nano

Post by trusttecna on Mon Mar 27, 2017 1:20 pm

Alrighty, this OC's good for me.


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Re: Photonis Nano

Post by trusttecna on Mon Mar 27, 2017 9:35 pm

Awww, thanks! (I was afraid you didn't like my edits and hated me. XD) It might take a little while for me to get to the planet since I'm going to work with Chrissie and Sten on their ocs, but after that or when I'm waiting for their replies, I'll get right on the planet!
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Re: Photonis Nano

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